You Don’t Fit In! (and that’s the good news)

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An MP3 download and Transcription are available at the end of this post.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told you were “too” anything. Now put a check mark next to the feedback you’ve received from others.

Too tall
Too shy
Too smart
Too loud
Too big
Too afraid
Too bold
Too intense
Too short
Too sure of yourself
Too old
Too fat
Too controversial
Too honest
Too lazy
Too flirtatious
Too complicated
Too picky
Too stupid
Too emotional
Too young
Too nice
Too bitchy
Too successful
Too sensitive
Too sexual
Too cerebral
Too spiritual
Too aggressive
Too pretty
Too tenacious
Too enthusiastic
Too complacent
Too quirky
Too difficult

Congratulations! Those of you who have spent your entire lives not fitting in, not conforming, not complying, not being satisfied, not compromising, not acquiescing, not rolling over, not pretending, not lying about who you are, not trying to please the whole world, and not playing small, have succeeded in finding your way to a place that celebrates you and your chutzpah: this blog! It takes a lot of courage and a high invincibility factor to be yourself. And you’ve done it!

To those of you who haven’t quite managed this yet, welcome just the same, you’re on your way! After all, we’d never ask you to join us just to fit in.

Think, for a moment, about fitting in. Into what? It’s a mold, a perception that someone else or a group of someone elses decided was appropriate for you. Do you know these people? Do you respect these people? Do want to emulate these people? Just what I thought. No, no, and no. And you care about their opinion why? Oh, for approval! You may want to rethink that.

If you’d like to read more about the consequences of trying to fit in (and what to do about it), check out Chapter 15 in my book, Impact! What Every Woman Needs to Know to Go From Invisible to Invincible.

Question: So how do you get comfortable enough with who you are that you don’t spend all your energy worrying about fitting in?

Answer: It’s called self-awareness. It’s called self-acceptance. Most of all, it’s called gratitude.

Let me explain: When we begin to genuinely appreciate who we are, what we stand for, what our life purpose is and what contribution we’ve come to make, then our need to fit in diminishes substantially.  Over the years, I’ve watched innumerable clients outgrow the comparison game, where they had the need to be better than their ‘competition’; thinner, richer, prettier, smarter, etc. As their self-awareness grew, so did their self-appreciation and, subsequently, their self-respect.

These folks came to realize that had they become someone else, they would have denied the world the gift that they are. At that point, as a result of that realization, no one wants to switch, no one wants to fit, no one wants to compromise their authentic selves so that others will feel more comfortable around them.

They come to understand that had they fit in, they wouldn’t have fulfilled their life purpose, so they wouldn’t have ever felt the completeness, the happiness, contentment, or passion they feel now.  Furthermore, they certainly would never have discovered their Money Purpose so the chances are fairly good that they’d never have achieved material wealth either. Talk about an underutilized lifetime!

In other words, at some point (and I hope it’s in your very near future) you’ll realize that you don’t fit in; and you’ll celebrate.

How have you tried to fit in? What were you ‘too’? Who told you that? How did it make you feel? Do you still have those thoughts about yourself? Do you comment to yourself that someone you know is too ___________?  I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts and comments. Please write to me at I personally answer you!

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One thought on “You Don’t Fit In! (and that’s the good news)

  1. Coach!! Just wanted to say ‘Hi’. I think of you often & miss you even more!! It was wonderful to hear your voice again. The audio is a terrific tool enhancement so people can get the FULL Solomon Impact. Hope you’re doing well, being well and living well. Things are falling into place for me & I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. Getting ready for a trp to Europe with Sadiaa! Isn’t she wonderful? One of my favorite people to be around & I’m so excited to take this trip with her. Take care & I look forward to your next blog so I can listen to it. Hugs!!! Maureen Mazzocoli

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